van nasty

Sunday, July 22, 2007

with practice, and some guided instruction, you will find the door to my building operates just like yours.

the front door to my apartment building is glass. it adds to the "curb appeal" of the building by creating an open, inviting space where upon arrival you think to yourself, "i could live here!" making the leasing offices job that. much. easier.

however, just as you do not expect to walk up to a house on connecticut avenue in washington d.c. and discover the door wide open, you similarly should not expect to find the door to my building to be unlocked. after pulling on the door and discovering it to be locked, you will notice a box with a button located against the wall to your left; do not push it. and whatever you do, do not push it and hold it down. the button is not an intercom, but a doorbell. holding the bell down will irritate the girl behind the desk (in this case me) making it unlikely that i will assist you in opening the door when you need to leave.

assume that i have both seen you approach the glass door that i am positioned directly in front of, and heard you tug violently on it, and will proceed to unlock the door allowing you to enter. after making eye contact and smiling at you, giving you every indication that i have seen you and am aware of the situation, do not proceed to ring the doorbell; i simply cannot stress this enough.

when you hear the click, you will know that the lock has been released, and it is now safe to open the door. the door does not open on its own, making it necessary that you pull open the door again. please feel free to do so; please do not wait for me to pantomime opening the door before you attempt again as it will make us both feel stupid.

on your way out, remember that you pushed the door to enter, and will have to pull the door to get out. forgetting this will again embarrass us both by forcing me to explain how doors operate.

xoxo
van nasty

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2 Comments:

Blogger paul said...

"on your way out, remember that you pushed the door to enter, and will have to pull the door to get out."

That's actually backwards compared to most commercial entrances, so a minor amount of confusion should be expected.

12:05 PM  
Blogger van nasty said...

i will not allow you to interrupt my ranting with your useless "logic."

12:11 PM  

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van nasty

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