van nasty

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

annuals of douchery

apparently, d.c., youve read the blog and you want to turn this concert going bitchery into a series. either that or im a cat and a bathrobe away from becoming the old lady on the porch who chases kids off her lawn talking about how in my day, kids had some respect for their elders.
now dont get me wrong, im all for people having a good time. much like im completely flexible - so long as everything is exactly how i want it - im completely in favor of people enjoying themselves (so long as they do it in the way i want them to and it doesnt in any way annoy or inconvenience me).

ive already enumerated my top two annoyances (people who wait till the last minute, then push through the crowd and stand directly in front of you obscuring your view and people with cameras held high in the air directly in front of you obscuring your view) so let's start with number three:

3. people who loudly and inappropriately sing; this is not a sing along and no one here paid to listen to you.

4. people. who. clap. but. cannot. find. a. beat. see above.

5. people who dance but have no appreciation of the room their body occupies in space. this is not a thrash jazz class and your right to express the music through you body ends when your elbow connects with my gin and tonic.

6. people who put their beer bottles on the floor instead of in the garbage ensuring that it will be knocked over spilling backwash beer and glass all over your feet.

7. the people outside the club distributing flyers who act as though they are doing you a favor by hoisting their shit on you that you a) dont want, b) will never look at, c) never listen to, d) and only turn around and throw away. and to those who cannot even bother to seem friendly or enthused: you are promoting yourself. if you find yourself that boring, i can only imagine how much i'll hate you. and, if youre going to be selective in your distribution process, maybe standing outside the 930 club at a sold out show, isnt for you; if you want your party to be exclusive then why are you advertising? either you want youre event to sell out, or you don't. if you do then this is no longer a party for just you and your friends; you're going to have to let other people play too, even the not so cool ones.

8. the 6'5 guy and his girlfriend who pushed their way into a space where there was no room for them, and proceeded to stand directly in front of my friends and i (average height, 5'5). you clearly had no idea who the band was, yet, needed to be in the front row and when i said something to you (i dont remember what i said, but im sure it was nothing short of sweetness and light), you're response was "shove it up your ass." check back tomorrow and this spot will simply be labeled "douche" with your picture accompanying it. oh yea, d.c., its on.

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Anonymous suicide_blond said...

speaking as a 5' tall person who has to wear 5 inch heels just to be able to THINK about seeing at a show...
the beer on the floor.. and the tall dude in front are particularly annoying bits of douchery!!

9:56 AM  

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van nasty

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Location: van nasty, washington, dc

i have better taste in music than you and more makeup than a drag queen.

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