things that confuse, annoy, disgust and scare me (in that order)

4) fantasy congress: for those who arent lobbyists, and want to play along at home.

3) last night i left a gallon of water in the fridge; someone obviously drank it and refilled it with tap water. remember how in high school you would break into your parents liquor cabinet and drink their vodka, then fill the bottle back up with water to hide the evidence? remember how you never really got away with it? it's kinda like that. unlike when you switched my coffee with folgers crystals, i did notice. how did i notice? well, the taste of chlorinated river water kind of gave it away.

2) late night shots. my memory is a little fuzzy, and i dont remember if i blogged about this "exclusive" d.c. based social network before or if a.h., d.l. and i just exchanged snarky and disgusted emails about it, but they have finally lived up to the full weight of their asshat potential. look no further than groups (and people) like this for reasons why i hate d.c.

is the article unprofessional and over-the-top? yes. but, that doesnt make it untrue. read the comments if you need proof.

which brings us to this question: people in d.c., are they bigger douches than people in other cities? discuss. (having grown up in the area, its hard for me to gauge, since sadly, this is what i know and use as my basis for comparison). its all a little too patrick bateman for me.

1) "president dick cheney"

annuals of douchery

apparently, d.c., youve read the blog and you want to turn this concert going bitchery into a series. either that or im a cat and a bathrobe away from becoming the old lady on the porch who chases kids off her lawn talking about how in my day, kids had some respect for their elders.

now dont get me wrong, im all for people having a good time. much like im completely flexible - so long as everything is exactly how i want it - im completely in favor of people enjoying themselves (so long as they do it in the way i want them to and it doesnt in any way annoy or inconvenience me).

ive already enumerated my top two annoyances (people who wait till the last minute, then push through the crowd and stand directly in front of you obscuring your view and people with cameras held high in the air directly in front of you obscuring your view) so let's start with number three:

3. people who loudly and inappropriately sing; this is not a sing along and no one here paid to listen to you.

4. people. who. clap. but. cannot. find. a. beat. see above.

5. people who dance but have no appreciation of the room their body occupies in space. this is not a thrash jazz class and your right to express the music through you body ends when your elbow connects with my gin and tonic.

6. people who put their beer bottles on the floor instead of in the garbage ensuring that it will be knocked over spilling backwash beer and glass all over your feet.

7. the people outside the club distributing flyers who act as though they are doing you a favor by hoisting their shit on you that you a) dont want, b) will never look at, c) never listen to, d) and only turn around and throw away. and to those who cannot even bother to seem friendly or enthused: you are promoting yourself. if you find yourself that boring, i can only imagine how much i'll hate you. and, if youre going to be selective in your distribution process, maybe standing outside the 930 club at a sold out show, isnt for you; if you want your party to be exclusive then why are you advertising? either you want youre event to sell out, or you don't. if you do then this is no longer a party for just you and your friends; you're going to have to let other people play too, even the not so cool ones.

8. the 6'5 guy and his girlfriend who pushed their way into a space where there was no room for them, and proceeded to stand directly in front of my friends and i (average height, 5'5). you clearly had no idea who the band was, yet, needed to be in the front row and when i said something to you (i dont remember what i said, but im sure it was nothing short of sweetness and light), you're response was "shove it up your ass." check back tomorrow and this spot will simply be labeled "douche" with your picture accompanying it. oh yea, d.c., its on.

you, however, are not invited. not now, not ever, not by anyone.

i go to a lot of shows. and, like people who tend to regularly do things, i have a list of pet peeves, mostly about newbies who are oblivious to the existence of show etiquette, or, y'know, common courtesy.

two stand out in my mind. the first is people who get to a sold out, packed house show after the headliner is already on stage and insist on pushing their way up to the front. we are already wound up tighter than a virgin at the prison rodeo; there is no room for you and your gaggle of drunken friends. if it was that important to you that you get a good spot, you should have gotten to the show earlier. i appreciate that standing in the audience at a show isnt the same as standing in line, but, well, it actually sort of is; if you plan to stand directly in front of someone who has been standing in that spot for 2 hours already and block their view, then expect to find some gum matted in your hair or my beer all over your pants.

the second is people who spend the entire show with their camera over their head video taping the stage. i dont really understand this concept myself; i dont know who goes back and watches this footage or who looks at their 50 pictures of tiny people on stage thiry feet away and obscured by a million blurry heads, but, whoever they are, there are a lot of them, and they are ruining it for the rest of the audience behind them. when i saw death cab a year or so ago the audience was a sea of cameras; so much so that it obscured my view completely and i had to watch the entire show on lcd.

it remind me of this weeks new yorker:



the couple, standing inches away from a stunning piece of art opt to look at it through the 2.5 inch screen of their camera instead of living in the moment and seeing what is directly in front of them in wide screen. this phenomenon is fascinating. its like people who go out to dinner and ignore their company in favor of talking on the phone or text messaging all night. i guess eventually none of us will leave the house at all; we'll just spend all night hanging with our friends from myspace watching youtube videos and playing internet poker.