seriously, youre real name is "win"?

to the incredibly long-winded and pretentious douchbag who just wasted 10 minutes of my time: is me telling you how many cars would fit in 500 sq ft, really helpful? are you looking for an apartment or taking the logic portion of the SAT? and, how specific would you like me to be? are the cars vertical or horizontal? are they vw bugs, or cadillacs?

and really, youre surprised our leasing office is closed at 6pm on the sunday of a holiday weekend? or that we wont extend our hours for you because you work? everyone works; some of us everyday.

p.s. you didnt need to make special mention of the fact that your going back to "the city;" it was a given that you were from nyc.

more things that annoy me about you (at a concert)

so the past couple weeks have been rather show heavy: wolfmother, dismemberment plan, peter bjorn and john, sunset rubdown, hopefully konono no.1 friday, and the byt cover band salute on saturday. either i am becoming more curmudgeonly, or, people are increasingly annoying. i give a pass to the young who have not been initiated into the show etiquette but you hipsters should know better; for fuck sake youre in your thirties!

9) people who talk during the entire show, but who insist on standing next to the stage. if you dont know or care about the band, are here to see and be seen only, or just want the music to be ambient to your conversation, thats fine. stay your ass in the back, where you can loudly and freely talk without disrupting everyone else who is, and i know that this is a crazy concept, at the show for the music! some of us like seeing live music, and a major part of that is being able to both see and hear the musicians, not your conversation about which of you can "dork out more," which, by the way, is an argument i can settle by saying youre both losers.

10) encores. there was a day when the encore had meaning; when a band was so amazing that people refused to leave until they heard one last song. now, the encore is a scheduled part of the set list for every show (no matter how shite the band), where after three minutes of standing and clapping, they come back to the stage to play another twenty minutes. you arent fooling anyone by not playing your only radio hit during your set; we all know youre coming back. just play the extra five songs during your set and let the audience decide if we want more or not.

annuals of douchery

apparently, d.c., youve read the blog and you want to turn this concert going bitchery into a series. either that or im a cat and a bathrobe away from becoming the old lady on the porch who chases kids off her lawn talking about how in my day, kids had some respect for their elders.

now dont get me wrong, im all for people having a good time. much like im completely flexible - so long as everything is exactly how i want it - im completely in favor of people enjoying themselves (so long as they do it in the way i want them to and it doesnt in any way annoy or inconvenience me).

ive already enumerated my top two annoyances (people who wait till the last minute, then push through the crowd and stand directly in front of you obscuring your view and people with cameras held high in the air directly in front of you obscuring your view) so let's start with number three:

3. people who loudly and inappropriately sing; this is not a sing along and no one here paid to listen to you.

4. people. who. clap. but. cannot. find. a. beat. see above.

5. people who dance but have no appreciation of the room their body occupies in space. this is not a thrash jazz class and your right to express the music through you body ends when your elbow connects with my gin and tonic.

6. people who put their beer bottles on the floor instead of in the garbage ensuring that it will be knocked over spilling backwash beer and glass all over your feet.

7. the people outside the club distributing flyers who act as though they are doing you a favor by hoisting their shit on you that you a) dont want, b) will never look at, c) never listen to, d) and only turn around and throw away. and to those who cannot even bother to seem friendly or enthused: you are promoting yourself. if you find yourself that boring, i can only imagine how much i'll hate you. and, if youre going to be selective in your distribution process, maybe standing outside the 930 club at a sold out show, isnt for you; if you want your party to be exclusive then why are you advertising? either you want youre event to sell out, or you don't. if you do then this is no longer a party for just you and your friends; you're going to have to let other people play too, even the not so cool ones.

8. the 6'5 guy and his girlfriend who pushed their way into a space where there was no room for them, and proceeded to stand directly in front of my friends and i (average height, 5'5). you clearly had no idea who the band was, yet, needed to be in the front row and when i said something to you (i dont remember what i said, but im sure it was nothing short of sweetness and light), you're response was "shove it up your ass." check back tomorrow and this spot will simply be labeled "douche" with your picture accompanying it. oh yea, d.c., its on.