van nasty

Thursday, July 27, 2006

a rare, non-bitter countdown

5) summer in d.c.: despite the tourists, the interns, and the return of suits worn with flip-flops, i still love summer in d.c. i love movie on the mall mondays and fort reno thursdays. tonight is fort reno's annual night of a 1000 cakes; i have no idea what the holy hell that means, but it sounds very promising. for those not in d.c., fort reno is an annual summer event featuring local d.c. bands performing for free outdoors at, you guessed it!, fort reno. i'll admit im not as excited as i have been in years past when ive seen ted leo, dismemberment plan or ian mackaye, but, its hard to beat free music, good friends, 1000 cakes, and the possibility that the fort reno lady is going to wig out again on the microphone.

4) half-day friday: friday's in august my office closes at 12pm, and since i dont ever get in until the crack of 10:30, its not even technically a half-day, its more like making a cameo at the val party on my way to lunch and shopping in georgetown.

3) summer vacation: not only am i going to portland for a friends wedding and on to seattle to visit one of my besties, but, two of my college girls, and best friends in the world, are coming to town in august. a.m. will be here for work for a month with her husband before moving to iraq for a year, and big red will be here for a few days en route to a wedding. side note - last night i was telling a friend about one of my favorite big red moments. it the first week of my junior year in college and my mom had come to new orleans with me to help me get settled and unpacked; my roommates have already set up the answering machine which is furiously blinking to let me know we have a message which plays out roughly like this "this message is for van nasty. im calling from custom made dildos in regards to your recent online purchase. unfortunately, we dont offer the black stallion vibrator in as large a size as youre requesting. we could make it, but, we'd have to use a horse as the mold and its gonna cost extra." i am frozen in time and space horrified that my mom has heard this message, and unsure how she's going to respond. not missing a beat, my mom looks up at me and says "big red?" to which i answer, "yep, big red" and thats all that was ever said about the about the horse cock voicemail.

2) boys: despite my love of all things crude, inappropriate and graphic, i am at heart a girls girl. i do not drink beer, or watch sports. i love make-up, shopping and all things pink. i am not someone who tends to have straight, male friends and those that i do, are usually my friends boyfriends or husbands. however, lately ive been hanging out with a few boys who never fail to surprise me. last night boozing with my friend and his roommate, i teased him that my girlfriend who's in nola for work is going to come through where he failed me, and bring me some pralines (which are in my opinion god's most perfect food), and his response was "what the feck are you talking about? i had a box shipped to my house for you for your birthday, i just keep forgetting to give them to you." admittedly, i have low expectations, but, i find this charming, and completely endearing.

1) smart bargains: online shopping is my reason for being. last june i was accepted into the peace corps, and because i'd been planning to move to africa, i never bothered to invest in big girl things like dishes, plates, towels, sheets or a tv (the one i have was the same 10" t.v. i got when i turned 13). i made do with what i had, but now that africa doesnt look like its going to happen, ive been feeling the need to nest. it all started when my coffee maker died and i had to get a new one - rather than buy a p.o.s. at target for $15 i decided to splurge on a good coffee maker and look at it as an investment. this snowballed into an online shopping spree on macys of unprecedented proportions (awesome sales due to their liquidation of hechts merchandise). even though the prices are good, i decided to do some comparison shopping which led me to smart bargains, where i bought the same cuisinart grind and brew coffee maker for $70 less than macys; all in all, i bought new towels, sheets, calphalon pots and pans (because apparently ingesting teflon isnt good for you), a non-down comforter and non-feather, feather bed (the ones i have now are down and shed so much that its like living with a family of molting ducks), and of course, the coffee maker. and the first three seasons of absolutely fabulous on dvd just because. not only was all of this cheap, but the shipping was free (for all 70 lbs of it), and should be here tomorrow even though i just ordered it on tuesday!

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van nasty

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i have better taste in music than you and more makeup than a drag queen.

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