things i dont understand

5. orlando bloom. why? i do not understand the appeal that is orlando bloom. why would i want a man who is more feminine than i am, probably wears more makeup, and has embraced the greasy, weasely pirate look both on and off the screen?

4. girls who wear short shorts, tank tops, and scarves. seriously, scarves in the multiple. i see them all over d.c. its hot bitches! its like 92 degrees. if you are hot enough to wear shorts you have to nair to wear, you do not need a scarf. i promise.

please note that our models scarf is actually longer than her shorts. hopefully, i do not need to explain why this is wrong.

3. while we're on the topic of inappropriate clothing choices, let me share my disdain for skirts that double as belts. i'll admit that this is probably tinged with a bit of jealousy, but seriously, the super short skirts with the ruffles are old navy circa 2003. let it go. when youre ahead of me on the metro and you decide to walk up the very long and steep escalator, i do not need a view that lets me know how good a waxer you have.

2.

1. rachel ray. how is it possible that this woman has 82,000 t.v. shows and absolutely no talent. ive never wanted to punch someone in the vagina more than i do rachel ray. not to mention, she looks like the joker. i keep expecting her to ask me if ive "danced with the devil in the pale moon light."