who exactly is this joke on?

in what sort of cosmic joke were men given two major organs necessitating a significant blood flow, but only enough blood to function one of them at a time (or, in most of their cases, ever). and when exactly did their brains become vestigial organs?

last night while standing outside trying to meet my friends, a stranger tried to make conversation with me. when i shot him down, he told me to hold out my hand. when i further declined, he took my hand, held it out, and proceeded to rub his crotch against my hand. on the street. outside of a crowded bar. in georgetown. newsflash genius, we are not dogs and sniffing my hindquarters is not considered a polite greeting. and, grinding against an irritate woman who has just initiated her 8th mancott is not the best idea. im sorry if you miss having gonads, though im guessing you were never planning to have children, just spend a lot of time practicing. well, not with me. not ever, but, especially not last night.

to the group of six men who tried to hold my hand and take me to bars with them: you were so nice when you first approached me. im not sure at what point you decided insulting and degrading comments were a more effective approach, but thank you for again confirming my need to enforce a mancott.

finally, van ness south guy: the fight you started on the metro with the soccer fans was weird and unnecessary. and for the record, us pleasantly chatting at 3am plus exiting the metro at the same stop, does not add up to our going home together. and do. not. ever. take my ipod. out of my hands. again. not unless you want to be like the eunuch who now wanders georgetown.