"sex, drugs, and tim gunn"

today was my niece's third birthday party. it would be impossible for me to overstate how much i love this little girl. i love her so much that i rented a car, got my lazy ass up at 6:30 on a sunday morning, and drove to virginia to spend the morning with her and the rest of my family.

my niece is possibly the girliest person alive. at three years old she already has a shoe fetish, loves all things pink and barbie, owns multiple cheerleader outfits, and runs around the house in baby high heels. the tomboy backlash stage is inevitable, and unavoidable, but, in the meantime, i did what i never thought i would do: i bought a barbie. being a responsible aunt, i bought one without too many small pieces, and one that sent a positive message, blaaah blaaah blaaah.

someone, however, was asleep at the wheel, and bought this for their granddaughter:

what the shit is this?

i wasnt there when they opened it on her actual birthday a few days ago, but apparently my sisters response was: "look! grandma bought you whore barbie!" and, being three and a perfect mimic, my niece runs to her dad screaming "daddy! daddy! look! i got WHORE barbie!" thankfully, this moment was captured on film; i look forward to the youtube, so we can all enjoy it together. in the meantime, let me say this: this picture does not do the sluttiness of this barbie justice. underneath that belt they are passing as a "skirt," she is wearing a thong. seriously, a white thong. this barbie looks like a 17 year old myspace slut spilled a cup of bad ideas on her.

until i get some answers, im blaming you robert. and so is kayne. look at how disgusted he is with you!

what would michael kors say about this?

"you're a mess just standing there! she's a beauty queen not a disco ball!"

p.s. nick called. he thinks that shit is "wickety wack." i dont know what that means either, but, it didnt sound like a compliment.