i am thankful that:
5) after tagging k-fed, britney has released him back into the wild, a.k.a. las vegas. ive already purchased my one way ticket. popozao!
4) though im heartsick to see that paris and nicole seem to be on contractionally obligated speaking terms again, i am pleased to hear nicole has given dealer, i mean stylist, to the stars rachel zoe the boot. here's hoping that food deprived starlets take sides and bitchy cat fights ensue to be recorded for all time in us weekly. praise allah. amen.
3) despite an affinity for tights, lindsay lohan still cannot master the evil complexities of "underwear" and may never graduate to "getting out of a car without exposing the world to her lady bits."
2) that becks is committed to making less beautiful men everywhere feel better about themselves by going out in public dressed as a spinster-cat-lady-who-got-a-good-deal-on-a-holiday-sweater-from-kohls as interpreted by mr. rogers. at least he looks angry at having been photographed in that sweater.
1) that kat(i)e and tom finally made that little bastard suri legal. maybe now i wont have to hear about how "amazing" a woman she is.