van nasty

Saturday, March 17, 2007

this would have made an excellent tidy bowl commercial

tuesday night, after changing into my jammies and washing my face, right before tucking myself into bed, i made an emergency trip to the bathroom. yes, this is an overshare, but unfortunately, im going somewhere with it. when i went to flush the toilet, i noticed my floor got suddently wet, not a lot mind you, but enough to be disgusted by. so, being a genuis, i crouched down next to the toilet and flushed. water came full force out the side of my toilet tank smacking me right in the face and drenching me and everything in its path. i looked like i had stepped into the path of a fire hose. i opened the tank and saw that a hose had come loose and was pointed out instead of down; again, being a genuis and believing myself capable to d.i.y. home improvements, i pushed the hose back down (not becuase i knew thats how it should be, mind you, i was just guessing), and flushed the toilet again, hoping for the best. the toilet flushed, i patted myself on the back (after my 20 minute so-hot-my-skin-turned-red-like-a-lobster shower, that is), and proceeded to deal with emergency #2.

emergency #2 is, again, an overshare. sitting on the floor next to my toilet was a large box of tampons. because im going through this renewed hippy phase, they are all paper, cardboard and bio-degradable which means, after were sitting directly in the line of fire, the box of 60 tampons are now 8X their normal size, and the box is literally bursting at the seems with tampons soaked in toilet water. three weeks out of every month, this would not result in a crisis situation. however, we arent in any of those three weeks my friend. we are in the t.o.m. week (t.o.m. = time of the month. the "the" is silent), and it is now 1:30 in the morning on a tuesday/wednesday, and im about to go into battle with no ammunition. i do what any desperate girl with no car and who doesnt live within a walking distance to a 24 hour cvs would do, i knocked door-to-door until i found a female neighbor who was awake (yey for law students!) who could supply me with what i needed to get me through the night and the morning.

i relayed the story to my gay husband wednesday morning over coffee to which he responded "damn. 60 tampons! thats like a five year supply!!" apparently boys think girls only use one tampon for their entire t.o.m., which is kind of adorable.

because i believe myself to be so damned handy, i didnt bother to report it to maintenance in the morning. which meant i went through the same thing wednesday night. i cant seem to d.i.y. but i sure can f.i.y.

insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.


Blogger art the loser said...

Gay husband? Coffee? That hurt just a little bit. But I'll be okay.

8:55 PM  
Blogger van nasty said...

HAH! well, ive known him longer, since we were in college. weve even awkwardly made out before he came out... and obviously after. you, however, are my illicit, torrid affair ;)

9:21 PM  

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van nasty

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