god bless the t.s.a.!

traveling from seattle to d.c., i was booked on the red eye flight leaving at 11:45 p.m. i had carefully packed my checked luggage to make sure that anything liquid or of a "cream-like" substance was securely packed away, and was prepared to zip through security when they discovered a stow away mascara in my carry-on. t.s.a. of course confiscated it, then immediately returned it to me, saying i could either mail to to myself for $7 or i could throw it away. since this is not just any mascara - it was my channel splurge that makes me look like im wearing fake eyelashes, but NOT like im a drag queen (a difficult feat) - im willing to spend $7 dollars to return it safely to me.

however, lets discuss a few things:

1) the method for return and payment is a clear plastic bag that you seal your contraband in, then include a signed sheet of paper with your credit information and address. does anyone else think this is sketchy? im assuming they arent going to mail your stuff in the plastic bag (although really, who knows) and instead some high school drop out with a prison tattoo is going to be handling and processing your stuff, and now has access to your credit information, a sample signature to practice forging your name, and your address. dont you feel safe? what they dont mention is that you probably just added yourself to some airline blacklist and will be taken out of line for searching every time you fly anywhere. and if, god forbid, your name is something other than stephanie, sara, john or steve, like say abdul, has too many vowels or (worst case scenario here) an apostrophe in the middle of your name, you may as well just turn yourself in now, cause you will probably never fly unmolested again.

2) am i to understand that you are taking away my mascara because you think it could be some sort of explosive, then are handing it back to me with the option of mailing it to myself? does that sound sane to anyone else? honestly, i would have felt more comfortable if you had taken it from me, and men in some bio-hazard suits had come and disposed of it. i would have been far more annoyed, but at least that makes sense. you’re telling me i cant have mascara, water, contact solution, liquid makeup, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, perfume or virtually any other toiletry because they may be a bomb, but you feel safe handing said "explosive" back to me to exit the security area unsupervised, and trust me to mail it back to myself. what is to stop me from... i dunno... stashing the mascara in my panties and walking back through the x-ray machine? nothing? hmmm. interesting.