resolutions

2007 is going to be a banner year for van nasty. i can feel it. in the coming year i resolve to:

16. describe things as having gone "pear shaped" more often.
15. continue to resist the "allure" that is leggings, or, the dreaded stir-up pants.
14. not date boys who have more drugs than a cvs pharmacy.
13. contribute to the "eat a sammich" campaign: feeding celebrities since 2005.
12. crocs: still hideous (not a resolution so much as a statement of belief).
11. direct an educational video instructing starlets how to successful step out of a car without exposing their coinslot to the world.
10. wake up sober more often than i wake up still drunk, passed out on top of my bed wearing my clothes from the night before.
9. not put my contacts in a glass of water by my bed. you would think drinking your contacts would be the sort of thing that could only happen once; turns out, it isnt.
8. be ever vigilant against extended periods of abstinence.
7. continue my feud with the evil, embittered old lady who lives in my building. i think hating me is her only hobby.
6. never read books containing any combination of the following words and phrases: burning loins and or desire, heaving bosoms, engorged, tumescent and quivering. books with the phrases sweet-tits and cock-diesel are, as always, welcomed and encouraged.
5. start a new trend of dating boys who *gasp* actually like me.
4. continue my 5 year streak of not wrecking a car, or getting any tickets.
3. fulfill my manifold destiny.
2. reduce instances of foot-in-mouth disease.
1. alternately, buy cute shoes for times when foot-in-mouth is unavoidable.

and one to grow on: never be so distracted that i dont remember having already met a hot man with a nice southern drawl.