babys first fabulous

dear van nasty:

i forgot your birthday. i am a horrible mother. i remembered after the tv on the radio show; i tried to crawl into your crib and wish you a happy birthday but i know how it upsets you when mommy comes home smelling like cheap beer, cheap men and cheap cigarettes (although by now i would have thought that would be the smell you associate with "mom").

here's to hoping no one reports me to blogspot and has you taken away.

now, in honor of your birthday, lets check some stats:

goals met: 2
appearing in the wonkette and quoted in the express

ten most recent google searches:
1) allintitle: vomit nasty
2) fairtrade soho coffee
3) see pictures ofcarrie underwood in a thong
4) miniskirt without undies
5) seattle's best honey latte
6) $1 sushi huntsville, al
7) does my cat sleep too much?
8) how to prove im not sleeping around
9) for those of us lucky enough to have come of age in new orleans
10) the nasty phrase ever

the location of van nasty's last 10 visitors:
1) unknown country
2) birmingham, alabama
3) laurel, maryland
4) washington, district of columbia
5) seattle, washington
6) arlington, virginia
7) seattle, washington
8) pensacola, florida
9) sacramento, california
10) slovakia, nitra

van nasty unofficial rules:
1) no caps and few apostrophes. im grammatically lazy.
2) being pale is better than looking like an oompa-loompa
3) boys look better with more tattoos
4) never name the puppies (i.e. velveeta, dewey decimal, the a.s.)
5) embarrassing details are always shared; identifying details youll have to pay for