van nasty

Sunday, August 13, 2006

i always did have a thing for flik

when i decided to start a blog, i hadnt given any thought at all to what i would name it. since i live in van ness, and i tend to be a bit nasty (in the rude sense of the word), i thought van nasty would be the perfect - or at least a decent - name. turns out, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. my apartment is currently infested with ants (the itty bitty teeny tiny sugar seeking kind), and its very, very nasty.

ive watched enough pixar movies to feel guilty about smooshing them, and since they're in my kitchen, i dont feel comfortable spraying insect repellent.* i thought i had discovered the source the other day when i was making a peanut butter and honey sandwich and (thankfully!) looked down before taking a bite (if you're eating, i suggest you stop here, and move to the next posting), and saw what looked like hundreds of ant carcasses on my pb&h. the cap on the honeybear was partially broken, and the ants had foolishly been attracted to the delicious amber colored honey where they died by the thousands like animals in tar pits. i spoke a few words, knighted the honeybear for his dutiful service and subsequent death in the line of duty, and thought that was the end of it.

and for a while it was. but then, i went to get a bag of popcorn, and saw a new cluster living in popsecret homestyle box. damn you! damn you to hell!!! why must you ruin all my guilty pleasures?!?

i threw out the box, eulogized the popsecret box for giving its life so that the rest of the van nasty kingdom may live a clean and healthy life, and called it a day.

except they're still there!

ive finally decided to just give them the kitchen. im trying to loose weight anyway. from now on its restaurants and ordering out only. i saw them installing a throne for their queen on my way out and i think i saw a blueprint of my bathroom... maybe i should just sign my lease over now.

* in college i had two friends who rented a house at the beach for the summer. for three months, friend number 1 is complaining of feeling sick and nothing she did made her feel better. the week they were set to move, friend number 1 witnesses friend number 2 spraying bugspray in the kitchen to kill an ant. all over the freshly clean dishes in the dish rack. then walks away leaving the dishes as they were. turns out, when confronted, friend number 2 confessed she'd been doing this all summer and they'd slowly been poisoning themselves with bugspray. its all very flowers in the attic, but without the incest.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent, love it! »

5:02 PM  

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van nasty

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Location: van nasty, washington, dc

i have better taste in music than you and more makeup than a drag queen.

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