because we cannot always count on celebrities to entertain us

3) proof that only idiots tuck their guns into their waistband: kidnapping ends when assailant shoots himself in his left testicle. nevermind that they were kidnapping someone over a dispute involving a stereo.

2) a coke fueled sex romp ends with a woman locking herself in the bathroom. naked. after almost being strangled by her lover. did i mention she locked herself in the bathroom of the waffle house? NAKED?!? and that her boyfriend gave chase? ALSO NAKED?!? just another night at the waffle house. on an unrelated note, can anyone account for don sherwood's whereabouts at that time?

1) a naked man was apprehended while masturbating on a tree stump. according to the ap report, he was initially arrested for "suspicion" of indecent exposure. apparently being naked and masturbating isnt conclusive enough evidence. after being asked if he had any weapons, he admitted to having a 6 inch metal awl inserted in his rectum.

there are so many parts of this story i love: is it protocol for the police to ask a naked man if he is carrying a concealed weapon?! and why did the ap story claim that he "allegedly" had a weapon? once a 6 inch awl is removed from your ass, i dont think we have to say "alleged" anymore. not to mention the several mentions of his recently being released from prison; i guess this is how they give cheek in the big house.