i have, in the past, been accused of being socially awkward. granted, this accusation was made by the a.s. who is not the most reliable arbitrator of social norms - afterall this is a man who routinely asks to be set up with my "slutty" friends - but, im beginning to think he may have a point. his comment was specific to my phone skills, or lack thereof, but, i think the real problem has nothing to do with the phone and everything to do with my inability to relate to boys.
i said it.
i am 12 years old; boys have cooties; and, i dont know how to talk to them.
i grew up in an all female household where even our pets had ovaries. i find boys to be a strange and foreign subspecies who speak a completely different language than i do. and even when it sounds like we are speaking the same language it becomes obvious later that while the words sound the same, the meaning is completely different. because i cant relate to them, boys have never been a factor in my life. i have certainly had crushes (i tend to be involved in monogamous, long term crushes) but, they mostly serve as distractions. in terms of legitimate two-way relationships (for example, i dont think dave grohl has any idea that im carrying his imaginary child) there have been none of which to speak.
however, it seems that im going through some sort of delayed adult puberty where i spend hours obsessing over the boys in my life: the a.s., velveeta, and dewey. its strange though who you spend time obsessing over and how quickly the one who was "the one" can fade into just another boy. things happened this weekend that three weeks ago would have thrilled me, but now just make me sad. has who i want changed? or are we just never happy with what we can have? because the one i want to get to know better has shown no interest, and i dont think he's going to boomerang back.
i'll build a house inside of you
i'll go in through the mouth
i'll draw three figures on your heart
one of them will be me as a boy
one of them will be me
one of them will be me watching you run