when animals attack

signs that your hair may be too long, and your curls may in fact be becoming dreadlocks:

5. the muslim men on the corner who sell incense start following you and trying to sell you patchouli.

4. you are compelled to buy a djembe and seek out a hippie drumming circle.

3. you stop shaving because having hair is "natural".

2. you start to engage in pseudo-sports like hacky sack, and juggling.

1. wasps get lost in your hair and panic when they cant find their way out, stinging you multiple times before dying a painful, squishing death.

to recap, in the past year i have been bitten on the wrist by a barbary ape in gibraltar; bit on the tit by a spider in seattle; and stung, multiple times, on the neck by a wasp in washington, d.c. plague and pestilence are probably right around the corner from me.