dear douchbags

to the guys walking on k and 15th debating where they fall on the "douchbag-o-meter," i can safely say, that merely having that conversation ratchets you up a few notches. you, sir, are no three. i would guess you are at least a seven; given your meticulously groomed stubble, im going to guess its more like an eight or nine.

xoxo
v/n

why i love new orleans

a friend forwarded this to me - im not sure what im more bothered by: that this may not be a joke, or that i already knew what ab/dl means (adult baby/diaper lover). damned you savage love!

Interpol beauty, I think we were wearing the same thing... - m4w
2007-09-24, 12:54PM

I was happy to see you at the Interpol show last night because I've seen you around before and I think you're really hot. You have dark hair with bangs and sublime porcelain skin. What caught my eye and intensified my attraction last night, however, was that your normally full and fine ass seemed to have a little more padding back there. Am I deluding myself because I want this to be true so bad, or am I correct in believing that you had a diaper on? Are you a fellow AB/DL? I feel that my suspicions (desires/hopes/yearnings for this to be true) are correct because I saw you tossing back with style and grace those alcoholic beverages all night, yet I never once saw you use the bathroom. Perhaps, if you had been paying half as much attention to me as I was to you, you might have noticed the same thing...And one more thing, love: is it still damp from last night?

Location: my crib
http://neworleans.craigslist.org/mis/430842479.html

paris hilton effect

question: if a butterfly flapping its wings can create atmospheric changes that result in tornados halfway around the world, what is the result of paris hilton's recent hawaiian vacation?

photo: just jared

answer: the number one killer of coral reefs: herpes. i think the reason is pretty obvious.

p.s. i love that someone is quoted in this article as saying "[coral reefs] they’re screwed no matter what we do to them.”

how to cheat on your girlfriend

dear velveeta:

it was good to hear from you. im glad that youre doing well and have finally moved in to your own place. you mentioned having a girlfriend, and while i hope that things are going well between you, it doesnt sound like they are. you seem to be a little confused about how relationships work; allow me to explain: all social interactions are dictated by rules of etiquette. some actions and relationships, however, are intended to remain private, meaning your mother probably never taught you the proper place to hide the panties you stole from one night stands, or that emily post has never issued a ruling on how to properly broach the topic of initiating a physical relationship with an ex while in the middle of an emotional relationship with someone else.

so, allow van nasty to spell it out for you: only one of us is in a relationship. as that person, the responsibility is on you to make sure that your girlfriend doesnt find out that you have been propositioning me. i do not have the power to erase your text messages or emails; assuming you dont want to get caught, you alone can keep your house in order.

frankly, you are not worth inviting that type of drama, not to mention horrible karma, into my life. since i have no desire to come back in my next life as a dung beetle, i suggest you not contact me again. on the off chance i do want to see you, i can wait till youre single, which, based on the fact that youre emailing me, and your girlfriend knows it (and snoops through your emails), is probably a matter of weeks if not days.

xoxo
v/n

scat-a-licious

im posting this for my sister. if you knew her, you'd understand.

snowflake this

when i was an intern at that national organization for women, everyone had to take their turn working at the now store where we sold t-shirts, buttons, bumper stickers and the bitter, man-bashing attitude was free with purchase. i had heard stories about "the mad masturbator" who would come into the store, whip off his pants and pleasure himself right there in the store in front of whomever happened to be working at the time.

i did not expect to witness it first hand, however, as is my luck, i did. he came into the store and the woman who i was assisting quitely said, "oh shit," stepped to the back and called the police leaving me alone with the mad masturbator.

when the police arrived they hauled him out in handcuffs assisting him to walk, since, y'know, his pants were still around his ankles. we stood outside and the cop couldnt help but laugh as he called it in and said where he was. if i recall correctly, his quote was "this guy had no idea where he was walking into!"

but lets be honest. he did know, and he did it on purpose. maybe he wanted to humiliate the evil feminist lesbians in the store, or, maybe he likes humiliating himself in front of a captive and disgusted audience. everyday we face people who catcall, who call us snowflake (which lets face it is actually kind of cute, and downright charming compared to ignorant white bitch), who think that being a single female walking alone down the street, waiting for a bus, sitting at the bar, or dancing at a show is an invitation to talk to us, or touch us, or offer commentary on our outfits or our bodies. or, in the case of the homeless man who approached me at sparky's, offer to sell your hair or your body (it was unclear which he had a buyer in mind for).

well, hollabackdc, and let these fools know that men can be dicks, and women can have balls.

abominable snowman: no longer just a legend

now just extinct. or as im going to start calling it, "they've gone the way of the polar bear."